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LIFE OF THE PARTY 20/9/2008
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party
was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?"
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your
boss, " replied the wife. "Piss on him, " answered the husband. "You did, " said the wife, "and he fired
you." "Well, fuck him, " said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work ...
3 Comentarios, 155 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.06 Puntuación
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GOLF TO IMPRESS 20/9/2008
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed
like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never
start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why
on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"
"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one, " said Bob.
"Good Lord, " said David, "you ...
0 Comentarios, 72 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.96 Puntuación
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hmmmmm 19/9/2008
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat? A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge,
and go to bed. �.Married men come home, check to see what's
in the bed, and go the fridge.
0 Comentarios, 51 Vistas,
0 Votos
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lil ohnny in 1st grade 19/9/2008
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What Animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this Animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what Animal is this?" she asked,
holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After
a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's
what your mom calls your dad." "A ...
1 Comentarios, 115 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación
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guardian angels 19/9/2008
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop!
Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall
down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was
going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you ...
1 Comentarios, 86 Vistas,
0 Votos
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fine wine 19/9/2008
"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his
guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like
a fine old carefully stored wine."
"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up
his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's
cork's been stationary for years."
1 Comentarios, 61 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.47 Puntuación
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birthday gifts 19/9/2008
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband
thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for
her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this
time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"
1 Comentarios, 63 Vistas,
0 Votos
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the wooden anniversary 19/9/2008
We've been married a little over four years, and we
just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary."
Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she woodnt !!!
1 Comentarios, 50 Vistas,
2 Votos
,1.73 Puntuación
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS 17/9/2008
Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
5 Comentarios, 116 Vistas,
10 Votos
,3.78 Puntuación
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LOL! 13/9/2008
TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 ...
1 Comentarios, 128 Vistas,
11 Votos
,4.66 Puntuación
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amazed 13/9/2008
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up
on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos
of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.
Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him
he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are
sitting there ...
1 Comentarios, 97 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.80 Puntuación
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hmmmmmmmmmmm! 13/9/2008
After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired
to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found
some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned
in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured
them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more
than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...
1 Comentarios, 86 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.08 Puntuación
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curiosity 13/9/2008
My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where
the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see
if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she
would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other
woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."
1 Comentarios, 117 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.45 Puntuación
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early from work 13/9/2008
A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his
best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and
says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU
???"
1 Comentarios, 98 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación
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to whom it may concern.... 13/9/2008
The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle
of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The
doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge
him to ICU, where therapy continues.
In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes
into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that
you are completely well. You have the heart function that you ...
1 Comentarios, 79 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.37 Puntuación
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saving it up 13/9/2008
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted
raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning
at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay
tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face
and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride ...
1 Comentarios, 90 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.65 Puntuación
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barely used 13/9/2008
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified
to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just
as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband
stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking
tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made ...
1 Comentarios, 119 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.87 Puntuación
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o my 12/9/2008
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached,
they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never
before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his
father for advice. "Father, " he said, "I am
deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh ...
2 Comentarios, 86 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.96 Puntuación
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bedroom golf....you gotta love it !!! 10/9/2008
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before
play begins. 5. Course owners ...
1 Comentarios, 65 Vistas,
5 Votos
,4.12 Puntuación
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hahaha just had to get this one off my chest. 7/9/2008
My ex seemed to have found the answer to getting me to swing
with her..
she read on the dance's website that you tell your partner
over and over that you desperately want to watch them have
sex with someone else... word for word off the site. no originality
whatsoever...
what did she think i wouldn't figure it out eventually
and read the website?? lol
just had to put ...
4 Comentarios, 121 Vistas,
3 Votos
,0.49 Puntuación
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why guys of corse gals also look4 relationship n when 7/9/2008
it is a silly question but why a well knit knit united family
member looks for relationship cos of fun fantassy bore of same way of sex or need more lust
in life and at what age is it safe ...
1 Comentarios, 33 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación
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Alan Partridge sex??? 27/8/2008
an ex and i got into Alan Partridge years ago. i was in a shared
house in university at the time. she double dared me to scream
"AAHHHHRRRR Back of the net" at the top of my
voice when i climaxed. sooooo funny! all you students give
it a go lol!
0 Comentarios, 35 Vistas,
0 Votos
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How do you circumcise a wail??? 27/8/2008
answer: send four skin divers down!
0 Comentarios, 17 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación
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three rats in a bar 27/8/2008
three rats sitting in a bar talking about how hard they are.
the first one says " the people in my house put down
rat poison the other day! but i gobbled it all down and it
didn't do nothin cos I'm well hard!"
the second rat "tu!!! thats nothin! the guys in my
place put down traps, but i just took the crack on the back
and gobbled up all their cheese cos I'm hard!
third ...
0 Comentarios, 76 Vistas,
5 Votos
,5.10 Puntuación
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I prefer to make love, it is far more satisfying then just sex 27/8/2008
So many times I have seen it asked “what is the difference
between making love and having sex. I use to reply with some
humorous but kurt answers. I have read other folk’s responses
, all very good opinions. Now I think I have my own, this does
not come from any experience with various partners, rather
it come from how I genuinely feel.
Sex , I think< is relatively easy to ...
0 Comentarios, 48 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación
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Make an Impression 25/8/2008
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN... show up naked, bring beer.
2 Comentarios, 58 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación
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How to tell if your a swinger 20/8/2008
100 Ways to tell if your a swinger 1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only
by screen names. 3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers
why you can't go out with them this weekend. 4. You have over 100, 000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples
(Rich ...
1 Comentarios, 116 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.57 Puntuación
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Vibrators are fore fun 20/8/2008
In 1992 I went hospital to give birth to my lovely
( who is now 16 ) but when I was away my mother-in-law decided
to get me some clothes out of my cupboard. To my horror my
lovely husband had put my one and only big black vibrator
on top of the clothes she chose for me to put on. Mind you I
would have hope in hell of fitting into the dress but on top
of that she would have had to move my ...
2 Comentarios, 225 Vistas,
6 Votos
,3.37 Puntuación
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Do you still get horny? 10/8/2008
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita
Springs, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives
you to the beach?'
2 Comentarios, 173 Vistas,
12 Votos
,3.51 Puntuación
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Booty Call Agreement copy and paste it funny stuff 10/8/2008
Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call agreement (here in after referred
to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the
_____________ day of ___________, 2008 by_______________
and ________________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULE AND PRINCIPALS:
1. No sleeping over. Unless it is very good and we need to
repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting ...
4 Comentarios, 129 Vistas,
8 Votos
,5.33 Puntuación
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